The Art of Becoming | 5 Months

The title gives this one away. I’m celebrating 5 months of sobriety today! What an incredible way to close out the year (I think my higher power planned that one out, knowing that I love anniversaries and what not). With it being New Year’s Eve, this 5 month milestone definitely feels epic. To say the least, I am immeasurably grateful. It is insanse how drastically my life has shifted away from darkness and into hope. There is no more room for dishonesty, manipulation, selfishness, fear, guilt, depression, or shame in my story. My greatest obsession has transformed into learning the art of becoming more joyous and free. I cannot believe that this is my life now.

My greatest obsession has transformed into learning the art of becoming more joyous and free.

From 2014 through the first half of 2018, alcohol and drugs owned me. I was sick, far from lovely, and eons away from any understanding of serenity. Then, almost out of nowhere, I was given the gracious gift of absolute desperation. I was finally willing to do whatever it took to become well. With the help of people who have been there and done it, I began to mold that willingness into an authentic recovery. I have not made it to day 154 on my own. To the people who have loved and supported me, even when I was at my most unlovable, I don’t even have the words to express my gratitude.

Thank you.

Tonight, I get to welcome the new year in with my residents at the rehab I work at. I pray that my higher power continues to use me as an example in the lives of people battling the disease of addiction. Addiction is powerful, but it cowers when one of its sufferers surrenders to the hope of recovery by simply being willing to change.

5 months of sobriety may seem trivial, but the life-change and freedom that I am experiencing are worth celebrating. I’ve been able to ace another semester of school, survive a breakup, release music that people are connecting with, and be present for the people who matter most to me. And that’s just the surface level stuff. I could literally go on and on about what recovery has given me, but the point is that my progress is proof that recovery is possible (that alliteration, though) and unbelievably worth fighting for.

No matter what, I am never going back. I have bad days, and I’m sure that there are hundreds more waiting for me, but the beautiful thing is that I get to take life as it comes, one day at a time. I still have a lifetime of work to do, but it’s only up from here.

2019 is going to be my best year yet (not to mention, it’s the year I’ll finally graduate and apply for graduate school). Thank u, next.

With hope,


Things I love right now:

  1. I’m like 8 years late on this one, but this song by Rihanna has me jammin.
  2. This new track I’m working on. I feel it in my gut that it is going to become something so much bigger than myself. I’m so excited to share it with you all.
  3. I don’t love him (haha, girl, no), but I met a man who makes me feel hopeful about falling in love again. We’ve been on two dates and everything about him makes me want to know more. 2019 isn’t even here yet and she’s already bringing me goodies. Don’t worry. I’m protecting my heart. It’s still a mess as I learn to trust again.
  4. Jeffree Star. I don’t know when this happened, but I stan.

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