Wow. I never thought I could get here. This is what 90 days of continuous sobriety feels like: gratitude, contentment, and clarity. “Overwhelmed” doesn’t even begin to cut it. On day 1, if you had told me that day 90 was right around the corner and that my life was going to change for the better, I would’ve first scoffed in disbelief, but then I would have begged you to tell me how I could do it. The maintenance piece of recovery is something I could never get. I chronically relapsed before the 60-day mark for years. Today, the fellowship of AA, the 12 Steps, and my higher power are what are keeping me sober. I am nowhere near perfect, but that’s not what recovery demands from me. It demands progress, not perfection.
I take my journal into every AA meeting. Looking back through it, the most beautiful words are not my own. The beauty is found in the little nuggets of wisdom I wrote down that another alcoholic spewed out during a meeting. That’s what I want to share with you all, because their words are part of what is changing me. Yes, I have had bad days in my recovery. Really bad days. But these nuggets of truth are part of why I was able to get through them without a drink or a drug.
If I don’t keep coming back. I don’t stand a chance.
Consistency brings change.
Put everything in God’s hands and you’ll start to see God’s hands in everything.
When I’m sober the lights are on and I’m home.
It is okay to not understand God.
Alcohol is never the answer. It doesn’t solve problems, it creates them.
Act your way into better thinking.
Take your time with the steps. That is how you respect your recovery.
If I have to convince myself that it’s okay to do something, then I have no business doing it.
Check your motives.
If I don’t change, I’ll drink or put a bullet in my head.
My first thought is usually wrong.
Never stop working with others.
My work doesn’t have to be perfect. Just honest.
I was a problem drinker. I drank when I had problems and couldn’t admit that the drinking was causing the problems.
Take the alcohol away from an alcoholic and they still have the “ic.”
When I drink because of what someone else did, that’s like me saying, “I’m going to drink, but hope that you die.”
Gotta be somewhere. Might as well be here.
I don’t need to analyze or understand everything. Just let it be.
I don’t ever have to get sober again.
Go to meetings, don’t hurt myself, and don’t hurt others.
Anything I put in front of my recovery I will lose.
Don’t just keep coming back. Stay.
Be careful with saying, “I got this,” because alone, you don’t.
Trying to pray is praying.
Sobriety is the launching pad for recovery
I can’t control the people I’ve hurt.
It’s okay to admit that life is fucking hard. It’s fucking hard.
My famous last words are always, “Fuck it.”
Feelings are not fact.
If you can’t sleep, read the Big Book out loud. It’ll put you right to sleep!
I can’t get sober when I’m playing God.
I didn’t come into the rooms to find God. I came here to stay sober. I found my higher power along the way.
Change negative thinking into gratitude.
Who I am today is the good, bad, and indifferent of my past, but it all led me to AA.
Be grateful to wake up sober.
As long as I keep coming back I will grow.
AA is monkey see, monkey do.
Recovery is joy.
God is doing for me what I could not do for myself.
My biggest obsession now is learning how to be happy, joyous, and free.
I don’t have to struggle if I admit that I am powerless.
Acceptance starts with realizing that I cannot control everything.
Cancel all reservations.
It’s tempting to think that I’m safe to drink again because life is alright. It’s alright because I’m sober!
I get to be sober.
Without acceptance and surrender, the alcoholic will drink again.
I have a village of people supporting me.
I’m either working towards a drink or working away from one.
There are two kinds of business: my business and none of my business.
What are the odds that what I want is my higher power wants? Slim as fuck. So stop freaking out.
I am in a room full of people who drank like I did. I am not alone.
Quality of sobriety over quantity of sobriety.
No matter what, don’t drink.
AA is a room full of bobble heads.
Let go and let God.
My higher power grows with my sobriety. Just keep asking, “Give me the strength and courage to do the next right thing.”
The delusion that I am like other people needs to be smashed.
The grace of God bounces off of these walls.
Do not be discouraged.
My addiction wants me drunk, but it’ll settle for miserable.
If I’m uncomfortable, it’s usually because I’m thinking too much about myself.
I have to give up my internal narrative about how the world should run.
Recovery offers me the stuff of my dreams.
Isolation is a form of pride.
I kept hoping that all of this could work for me.
Alcoholism is progressive, but so is recovery.
The last substance I put down, is the first thing I’ll pick up if I go back.
Put as much energy into your recovery as you did your drinking.
Fucking appreciate the work you’re putting in.
I like waking up instead of coming to.
I get to participate in life now.
The present is a gift. Accept hardship as a pathway to peace.
Maximum helpfulness is my goal.
I am a walking example of recovering working.
My purpose is to stay sober and help the alcoholic who still suffers.
Improvement will continue to come as long as I don’t drink.
Honesty without kindness is cruel and kindness without honesty is codependent.
My peace is proportional to how surrendered I am.
I cannot do this by myself.
Not every time I drank, did I get into trouble, but every time I got into trouble, I had been drinking.
Sometimes our actions are how we show gratitude, especially when our words don’t mean shit.
The more I practice gratitude, the more I want recovery.
Gratitude is a state of being.
Be honest and withhold nothing.
I did not get sober to be miserable.
Jesus, Muhammad, step aside. I had to get rid of the middle man.
I’ve got shit to do, too. But my recovery has to come first.
When I worry, it’s because I think I’m bigger and badder than I am. Stay right sized.
It’s okay to not feel top-notch. Say, “Fuck you addiction,” and keep going.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is the present. Enjoy the gift.
All I can do is all I can do.
Keep your head where your feet are.
If I put my left foot in yesterday and my right foot in tomorrow, I’ll be pissing on the present.
I wonder what a beer or a hit would taste like? Hmmm, death. Broken relationships. Hopelessness. Don’t test it.
Sobriety is my only chance at peace.
Keep this simple.
If something is on my mind, I’ve got to do something about it.
When I suit up and show up one day at a time, well, that’s a hell of a job for an alcoholic.
If I’m asking “why,” then I am still fighting.
You could pour alcohol down a normal person’s throat and they won’t become addicted. That is what’s different about you and I.
If I try to do this on my own, I will fall flat on my face.
Nothing happens on accident.
Surrender and chill. The world is not going to fall apart.
I can only change me.
If I want something to change, I have to change something.
I can plan for the future without setting an outcome. Outcomes that don’t pan out lead to disappointment and resentment.
The gift of desperation is what brought me here.
I cannot afford to be angry and bitter.
Sobriety has become my priority.
Don’t let up.
As an alcoholic, I am uniquely qualified to help another alcoholic.
Treatment centers never worked for me, because I was left alone with my spiritual malady afterwards.
I am so imperfect.
Drinking never made anything better and it never will.
There is a need to share my suffering.
I did not get sober on my own.
My life is chaos when I try to run it on my own.
Look for blessings in loss.
I am blown away by what I am learning and how I am changing. I am amazed that I longer obsess over my next fix. Not a single one of us alcoholics/addicts did anything to deserve recovery. It was given to us freely. I am not taking any of this for granted. I’m ready for more, one day at a time.